Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
