Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We left an ass print on the piano.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
