Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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