so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
