you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Me too!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
