What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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