He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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