if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize