I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
