her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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