I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
