Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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