Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
