and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
