Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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