You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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