Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
