i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
