I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We have started to decorate penises.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
