Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
