just come out here and I will go home with you...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
