You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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