she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
