Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
