All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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