You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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