Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
