My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
