I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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