There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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