i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Your dad touched me again.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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