There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who died my cat blue again?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
