So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
