My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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