Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
smell my finger.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
