yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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