Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
