I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
