Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
