I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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