This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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