I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
