So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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