i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
