I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
