God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
