M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
