Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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