Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
