its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
