I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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