She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
