I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
