Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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