I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
