I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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