she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
