if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
