she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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