My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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