I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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