I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
