Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
