so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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