God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
