Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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