atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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