the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
