dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry about my life...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
