if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
