I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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