There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize