I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
