Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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