that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
