Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
