I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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